The Gifts of Imperfection: Embracing Wholehearted Living
- Salma Soliman
- Sep 22, 2024
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 11, 2024
Dr. Brené Brown has profoundly shaped the way I approach therapy and my own life philosophy. Her work on shame resilience and vulnerability offers a powerful lens through which to view the human experience. Understanding these concepts has empowered me and my clients at Brave You Therapy to embrace our imperfections and live more authentically. Whether or not you think you relate to perfectionism, I bet you'll find resonance in her concept of living a wholehearted life.
Brené Brown and Wholehearted Living
Brené Brown is a researcher, storyteller, and a leading voice on topics like vulnerability, shame, and courage. Her work has helped countless people navigate the complexities of human emotions and experiences. In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brown introduces the concept of wholehearted living—a way of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness. She outlines ten guideposts that serve as the foundation for cultivating this mindset.
Ten Guideposts to Wholehearted Living:
Cultivating Authenticity: Letting go of what people think.
Being true to yourself is about embracing who you are, not who you think you’re supposed to be. In my practice, I encourage clients to explore their true selves and express themselves without fear of judgment.
Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting go of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is a heavy burden that many of us carry, often without even realizing it. Letting go of the need to be perfect allows for self-compassion and acceptance—key elements in therapy.
Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting go of numbing and powerlessness.
Resilience is about bouncing back from difficulties with strength and grace. At Brave You Therapy, we work on building this resilience by acknowledging feelings and facing challenges head-on rather than avoiding them.
Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark.
Practicing gratitude and finding joy in the small moments can shift our perspective from one of scarcity to one of abundance. This is a concept I integrate into my work with clients to help them see the light in the darkest times.
Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting go of the need for certainty.
Life is full of uncertainty, and learning to trust our intuition is crucial. I help clients tap into their inner wisdom and trust themselves, even when the future feels uncertain.
Cultivating Creativity: Letting go of comparison.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Embracing creativity allows us to express ourselves uniquely, without worrying about how we measure up to others. In therapy, I encourage clients to find and cultivate their creative outlets as a form of self-expression and healing.
Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth.
Play and rest are essential for our well-being. We often equate our worth with how busy or productive we are, but true self-worth comes from balance. I advocate for integrating play and rest into daily life to support overall mental health.
Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle.
Anxiety can easily become a way of life but cultivating calm and stillness helps us to ground ourselves. I work with clients to develop mindfulness practices that allow them to find peace amidst chaos.
Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting go of self-doubt and 'supposed to be'.
Finding purpose in our work and life is a significant aspect of well-being. At Brave You Therapy, I help clients discover what meaningful work looks like for them and guide them towards it, shedding societal expectations in the process.
Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance: Letting go of being cool and 'always in control'.
Embracing joy through laughter, music, and movement can be incredibly freeing. It's a reminder to not take ourselves too seriously and to allow space for fun and spontaneity. This is something I integrate into our improv therapy sessions as well, where we celebrate vulnerability through play.
Practical Applications for Wholehearted Living:
Identify and Share Your Values:
Reflect on what truly matters to you—your values, likes, and dislikes.
Practice expressing these values in your conversations and decisions.
Start by sharing one personal value or preference with someone close to you.
Practice Self-Kindness:
Pay attention to how you talk to yourself. Notice when your tone or words become harsh or judgmental.
Replace critical thoughts with encouraging and supportive ones.
Each day, consciously speak to yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend.
Confront Difficult Emotions:
When faced with a tough situation or emotion, acknowledge it without trying to numb or push it away.
Practice sitting with discomfort by focusing on your breath or grounding yourself in the present moment.
Gradually increase your tolerance for difficult emotions, recognizing that they are a natural part of life.
Confront Gratitude:
Set aside a few moments each day to list things you’re grateful for.
Reflect on how these things contribute to your sense of having enough.
Allow yourself to feel the joy that comes from appreciating what you have, rather than focusing on what you lack.
Trust Your Intuition and Strengths:
Identify your core strengths—what you naturally excel at.
Incorporate these strengths into your daily routines and decisions.
Trust that your intuition can guide you, and remind yourself that things will work out even if the path isn’t clear.
Let Go of Comparison:
When you catch yourself comparing to others, gently bring your focus back to your own journey.
Engage in creative activities that allow you to express your originality and uniqueness.
Remind yourself that what you bring to the world is incomparable to anyone else’s contribution.
Prioritize Joy and Rest:
Create a list of activities that bring you joy and meaning, and make time for them regularly.
Be intentional about getting enough sleep and allowing yourself to play and relax.
Resist the urge to equate exhaustion with success—rest is essential for well-being.
Soothe and Balance Yourself:
Dedicate time each day to activities that calm and center you, such as meditation, a walk, or listening to music.
Pay attention to how these activities affect your mental, physical, and emotional balance.
Make soothing rituals a non-negotiable part of your routine.
Share Your Gifts and Talents:
Reflect on your unique gifts and how you can share them with others.
Find opportunities to use these talents in ways that connect you with others, whether through work, hobbies, or volunteering.
Remember that sharing your gifts strengthens your connection with others and brings more meaning to your life.
Embrace Playfullness and Boldness:
Give yourself permission to be playful and silly, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Challenge the need to always be in control by trying something spontaneous or out of your comfort zone.
Celebrate your uniqueness by standing out and being bold in your actions and expressions.
Want Help Tracking Your Wholehearted Living?
If you’re looking for some help and accountability, check out my free Wholehearted Living Diary Card PDF (below). It breaks down the principles of wholehearted living into tangible and measurable action items. Let me know in the comments below how you are embracing wholehearted living!
Bravely Yours,
Salma
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